Viva Las Vegus Nerve: How Singing Helped Me Find My Voice
Late last night I heard that Meatloaf had passed away. I have been listening to Meatloaf since I was a small child and loved the song, “You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth’.
In the days, weeks, after my injury I began to have trouble getting words out. My speech slowed, the words were just not there and when they were it felt like they were trapped. As it worsened it was exhausting trying to get each word out. Like pushing a boulder up hill, every word was an exhausting push to get it out of my mouth.
To not be able to speak is an experience like no other I had had to that point in my life. I have always thought of myself as articulate. As an adult I have not worried too much about speaking in front of medium sized groups of people. But this went to the core of my being. Who am I if I can’t speak, to anyone?
Parenting two young boys is bloody hard when you can’t communicate properly. A kind of homegrown sign language grew out of necessity, and we all seemed to understand what I meant. When I struggled they would throw words at me they thought I might like to say instead, like ice cream, go to the park, movie night.
I stopped swearing. When every word is a battle, swearing was a word luxury I didn’t have. I stopped using unnecessary words, only the ones that would get across my meaning in the shortest time. And I stopped wanting to tell people about things. It was too hard. Something would pop into my head to tell someone about, and I would stop and think, is it worth the effort to get it out? More often I thought no.
People judge you when you struggle to speak. They talk loudly and slowly for you. I would try not to roll my eyes, but it was a struggle. I knew they all meant well but when your mind works fine but when people talked to me like an idiot it grated a little. I did get a 10% discount in a shop once because the lady felt so sorry for me, so I guess it was not all bad.
Fortunately, in all this self-pity I discovered that, even on the bad days, I could sing. I could sing pretty much as if I was fine. And I could sing loud! (Please note: I never claim I could sing well!)
I made myself a Spotify playlist and called it ‘Sing like you’re normal’. I included songs where I knew most of the words, they made me laugh or just felt good to sing. I put my Bluetooth speaker in the bathroom and I belted out those songs in the shower. Every morning.
My list included songs such as
You took the Words Right Out of My Mouth, Meatloaf
Respect, Aretha Franklin
Arsehole, Denis Leary (that was for the person that injured me)
The Power of Love, Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Here I go Again, Whitesnake
You’re so Vain, Carly Simon (also for the arsehole)
We’re Not Going to Take It, Twisted Sister
9 to 5, Dolly Parton
So, it’s an eclectic mix but I loved It and I still do.
So Why Sing?
Research suggests that for those of us who work on controlling and taming breathing, that singing requires our breathing to be regulated. We breath for the phrase in the song, we have to take little or big breaths in and long slow breaths out to meet the rhythms of the song’s cadence.
When we sing it stimulate the vegus nerve and muscular processes involved in respiration, phonation, articulation and resonance. We create an auditory-motor loop in the brain. For me in a simpler way I could hear myself, I could hear that I could still get coherent, flowing sound out. My brain could hear that I still functioned, could practice all the movements, and mechanisms that make sounds and words come out. And, with all due respect, the neighbours could go fuck themselves if they didn’t enjoy hearing my rendition of Rhinestone Cowboy at 7am. (There’s been a load of compromising on the road to my horizon.)
I personally believe singing has benefits in lifting a heavy mood, in addition humming or singing a basic song like a nursery rhyme can help prevent or slow the onset of a panic attack. It’s certainly in my arsenal of tools to control my breathing when the world spins out of control. I don’t doubt that humans have been singing and humming since they could first vocalise, and what joy we get from having a sing along with a group of people – or just by ourselves!
References
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2996848/